Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Lose 10 lbs in a week! No exercise required!

Today, I encountered the best diet book I've ever come across. If I stick by it, I'm sure I'll drop the pounds like freshman physics. Best of all, I don't have to invest in any crazy rabbit food or even do any exercise. And the method is so simple - no worrying about calorie counts or sugar content! What is this wondrous book, you ask?

The Ghoul Archipelago by Stephen Kozeniewski. A gruesome horror novel about a sea captain passing through zombie-filled islands to rescue a handful of survivors in a post-apocalyptic world. I made the mistake of starting the Kindle version over my lunch break. By 1% in, I was done with food for the day.

Below are some stomach-turning horror books guaranteed to make you consider swearing off food for life. And yet, they are gripping enough to keep you reading…

The Ghoul Archipelago by Stephen Kozeniewski
Review coming once I finish (I'll be ballerina-thin by then)

After ravenous corpses topple society and consume most of the world’s population, freighter captain Henk Martigan is shocked to receive a distress call. Eighty survivors beg him to whisk them away to the relative safety of the South Pacific. Martigan wants to help, but to rescue anyone he must first pass through the nightmare backwater of the Curien island chain. 

A power struggle is brewing in the Curiens. On one side, the billionaire inventor of the mind-control collar seeks to squeeze all the profit he can out of the apocalypse. Opposing him is the charismatic leader of a ghoul-worshipping cargo cult. When a lunatic warlord berths an aircraft carrier off the coast and stakes his own claim on the islands, the stage is set for a bloody showdown. 

To save the remnants of humanity (and himself), Captain Martigan must defeat all three of his ruthless new foes and brave the gruesome horrors of...THE GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO. 

Red Sand by Ronan Cray
Read the Zigzag Timeline review

On this island, there are no survivors. 

Lost meets Treasure Island in this riveting account of castaways on a desert island hunted on all sides. A rare blend of breathtaking action, deep character development, corporeal horror, and a believable story line brings this modern adventure to life. 

When the cruise ship Princess Anne sinks at night in the middle of the Atlantic, strange, white-haired natives pluck seven survivors from the water. Delivered to a barren volcanic island and forced to work, the survivors disappear one by one as the natives, and the island itself, turn hostile. An old betrayal tears apart the native political structure as a hurricane threatens to bring to life the deadly secret of the island. With time running out, the natives and survivors alike form and break alliances to escape by any means possible. 

Fear the natives. Fear the Island. Fear each other. Fear yourself. 

If you miss Lost, don't miss Red Sand. All the action, suspense, betrayal, and mystery you could ask for with scenes so swiftly terrifying you'll gasp for air. Deeply human characters draw you in until horribly detailed descriptions end them. You’ll shut your eyes when it happens, but you'll tell everyone about it the next day.

Braineater Jones by Stephen Kozeniewski
(Move over, Atkins, this guy's the new king of diets)

Braineater Jones wakes up face down in a swimming pool with no memory of his former life, how he died, or why he’s now a zombie. With a smart-aleck severed head as a partner, Jones descends into the undead ghetto to solve his own murder. 

But Jones’s investigation is complicated by his crippling addiction to human flesh. Like all walking corpses, he discovers that only a stiff drink can soothe his cravings. Unfortunately, finding liquor during Prohibition is costly and dangerous. From his Mason jar, the cantankerous Old Man rules the only speakeasy in the city that caters to the postmortem crowd. 

As the booze, blood, and clues coagulate, Jones gets closer to discovering the identity of his killer and the secrets behind the city’s stranglehold on liquid spirits. Death couldn’t stop him, but if the liquor dries up, the entire city will be plunged into an orgy of cannibalism. 

Cracking this case is a tall order. Braineater Jones won’t get out alive, but if he plays his cards right, he might manage to salvage the last scraps of his humanity.

1 comment:

  1. This is so flattering for a horror author. Really, you have no idea. Thanks. I think from now on I'll call you...Scary. Get it? Get it?